Understanding
A momentary love, short-term romance while backpacking the South Island of New Zealand
An essay from the Travels with Terri series 🦋
I met this German guy at a hostel on an overnight stay in Franz Josef. I was destined for a dairy farm as a milker and outdoor worker for a couple of months only to discover after a week I disagreed with how it was run (But that’s a tale for another time) and so I was only in Franz Josef for one evening before heading there.
I spent it well with a good mix between meeting new people including this person, a couple Canadians and getting outdoors to see the sights as quickly as possible. I didn’t think much of it as I celebrated one of the group member’s birthday’s a the local bar in the evening. Before that I quickly drove over to the Glacier itself. It’s difficult to see and the path that once revealed more of its natural design has closed due to damage to the track so I was left to do a couple of small hikes up for hight and another for a cool reflection. It was still worth seeing for the time I was there and the images I got out of it all were neat. So because of the easy social nature of this particular host, it was natural to converse with everyone over night and breakfast the next morning. This was where I settled into a table full of people chatting to munch on the complimentary cereal while engaging in hearty discussion about everyone’s background. This was where I was opposite this guy and what I presumed to be his girlfriend. He was shy but engaged while she spoke the majority of the time. I didn’t think much of it but we all exchanged insta handles before I set off for the dairy later that morning. I continued travelling once I quit the farming gig a few weeks after. It boosted my coffers well enough to continue on. It was always my intention to stay a couple months but looking back it worked out the exact way it needed to with timing as I wouldn’t have been able to see anything else or met many others had I stayed there.
So I explored the south-east corner further from Omaru close to where the farm was based down to Dunedin and then into the Catlins, through to Invercargill, up to Te Anau/Milford Sound and then back to Queenstown for a proper stay. From meeting with plenty of cool people along this stretch I was able to coordinate a make-shift group including the German fellow who already happened to be living and working there by this point as he was posting on his stories.
As the night progressed we were drawn to each other. His German friend and mine coordinated so that he could drum up the courage to put his arm round my waist after a total of four bars. It was cute in how nervous he was to make a move - something I appreciated. Over the course of a few days he wanted to date long-distance. He was all in. I had many reservations and shared I do not wish this to go further due to the massive language barrier, long-distance requirements and something more... He showed so much dedication and goodwill. He truly is a wonderful person but for the first time in my life I found myself not ready to commit which is strange given I always wanted to be chosen no matter the cost or who was offering. I had and continue to work on low self-worth. Now I was in a position I realized I like having this freedom to do as I will. I just didn’t see the future he wanted.
So on the final of three nights we spoke about this where we agreed to just be friends. That lasted about an hour as we decided for our first act as friends would be to go to World Bar shown above. It was a full house for a Wednesday night as they had silent disco on which in itself was so much fun. We became instantly flirty again despite the agreement but it was mutually broken. We danced, we kissed, we sang, we laughed as we were in our own little world ordering shots served out of tea pots as the bar is known for.
When we wrapped up the night, he walked me to my hostel where we lingered in comfortable silence outside the building knowing this was the end of a fun few days for good. He understood my position. Then out of nowhere he said, “I learned. You have good character, you’re a good person. Be safe. We can be friends after this.” I couldn’t agree more, offering to shake hands as if in a business deal. And from there it was like the final signature of a contract – Done. I didn’t feel any ties and I was so happy we could leave on good terms. I just knew I was there to help him. We probably did sign a spiritual contract to teach him this in life which I didn’t mind. It was reciprocal. This wasn’t meant to be forever and for that I am grateful it turned out so good.
– Excerpt from Backpacking Journal Entry –
June 16, 2023, Moon in Gemini, Queenstown, NZ
111, 6666, 444, 333, 123, 222, 888, 555, 777
Now he’s been in a committed relationship for well over a year. I’m so happy for him. He deserves the world. I on the other hand remain single but I’m comfortable.
I learned I am desirable and for the first time was in a position to say yes or no to a potential dating candidate. This was a great exercise in autonomy, self-respect and learning to have fun even if it’s not meant to last forever. Engaging in other cultures and languages while hardly saying a thing was challenging but fun. Experiencing a new part of the world - the Banff of New Zealand as I call it (but better, sorry Canada) - has been a pleasure and more enriching because of this experience with him.
The following morning I drove to my next destination with a mix of light confusion at the new direction but also fulfillment and inner trust with how this went. It only affirms that some people are meant to only be in your life for a day while others a season or a lifetime. Simple interactions can branch into something more before dying out again - but not without leaving behind an impression, a lesson learned for you to treasure forever.
Cheers,
Terri
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